


Don't Say That It's Her

by Kymanatic



Category: South Park
Genre: Banter, High School AU, Jealous Kyle, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 16:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17165348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kymanatic/pseuds/Kymanatic
Summary: It just so happens that there's a new girl at school who couldn't have become more of a thorn in his side as Kyle desperately searches for the solution behind the "riddle" that he found inside of a certain boy's notebook.





	Don't Say That It's Her

“Mind if we tag along?”

Kyle spun around, hand flying up to clutch his chest. “Jesus, Stan! You scared the shit out of me,” he managed with a gasp, relieved that he hadn’t dropped his gloves into the snow that had accumulated overnight.

After ascertaining that he had locked the front door on his way out, Kyle stepped down from the front porch after the others—Cartman and Kenny—moved to let him by.

“Yeah, way to go, Stan,” Cartman jeered, rejoining Kenny’s side to lumber along next to them. But Stan was all too ready with a retort. “Hey, you’re the one who’s in such a rush to get to school. What’s your deal, anyways?”  

Kyle became increasingly aware of the cold nipping at his flesh and adjusted the zipper on his coat.

“You guys haven’t heard? Some new girl just moved here from Arkansas and she’s gonna be transferring into school with us starting today. I heard she has one of those southern accents and everything.”

“Woah woah woah, hold on a second,” Kyle said. It was clear that his mind was too hooked on one choice word that Cartman had said to catch the rest of it. “Did you just pronounce it ‘ _Arkansas?’_ As in Kansas? Ark-kansas?”

“Well, yeah…” he replied unsurely. “Is that not how you say it?”

_“No!”_

Cartman scoffed, paused to deliberate, then scoffed again. “Well then _do_ enlighten me on how you’re _supposed_ to pronounce it, if you’re such a know-it-all.”

Kyle told him, then turned to Stan and Kenny with a disbelieving stare. “Can you believe this guy? See, this is why people pay attention in class, Cartman. It’s to be _smarter._ Not to take naps and mooch notes off of other people. God, now I know I should have made you take that geography class during freshman year.”

“Okay first of all, _no one_ gives a shit about geography. And I do too take notes in class, for your information.”

Kyle found this all too hard to believe. “Oh yeah? Then let me see one of your notebooks right now.”

This didn’t seem to sit well with the other male, however, who clung to his straps and stood his ground. “Uhh, no way! _You’re_ not touching any of my shit, do you hear me?”

“Yeesh. Someone’s protective,” Stan observed as he stepped over a patch of slush near the sidewalk.

Kyle almost made a go for Cartman’s backpack right then and there, but a glint of light from up ahead caught his eye.

“Hey, isn’t that the bus?”

“Oh shit it’s early again!” Stan cried in a panic. And with that they all bolted towards the bus stop and reached it just in time to climb on before the doors shut.

The ride there was uneventful—Stan and Cartman were both fast asleep in seconds whereas Kenny just gazed contently out the window.

By the time they reached school, Kyle was sure that their previous conversation had escaped his short-term memory for good, until—

“So can we go back to the part about this new girl?” Kenny suggested out of the blue, after having remained silent up until this point. Kyle and the others followed beside him as they entered the high school, all sighing in unison as they were finally out of the cold.

“Uh oh,” Stan said with a chuckle. “Now you’ve got Kenny interested. Try not to pop a boner whenever you see her, dude. I know it’s been awhile since you’ve gotten some action, hasn’t it?”

During his usual once-over of the lobby, which was now as bustling and chatty as ever, Kyle caught sight of a small crowd forming a half-circle around another student. It mainly comprised of girls, but there were a few curious male onlookers as well. Kyle pulled off his gloves and pointed towards the crowd. “Huh. Could that be her over there?”

The others glanced over as well, then began the venture closer to get a better look.

Right at that moment, the girl seemed rather engrossed in a conversation with Wendy, which didn’t do the rest of them much good with only a view of her back. But when she turned her head…

Stan nudged Kyle’s side. “Hey, doesn’t she kind of look like—”

“Heidi,” Cartman finished for him. Surprised, Kyle turned to stare at Cartman, whose eyes were narrowed in concentration, but otherwise expressionless.

“Yeah...” Kyle agreed, wetting his lips. There was a coppery taste in his mouth that he couldn’t quite place. “We should probably be getting to class. Cartman? Aren’t you coming?”

“Huh?” Cartman muttered distractedly, still gawking.

“I _said_ , it’s time to go,” Kyle pressed, grabbing his arm out of instinct. When Cartman didn’t react to his touch, he tugged with more urgency. It wasn’t like she hadn’t piqued Kyle’s curiosity too—he just had his priorities straight, was all. And right now his intuition was telling him that they needed to get a move on before they were _all_ late to homeroom.

“Oh, right. Coming.” As if breaking out of a trance, Cartman averted his eyes to instead examine Kyle’s fingers curled around his sleeve. “Kyle, do you mind?”

“S-sorry.” Kyle let go and buried his hands in his pockets. Stan and Kenny had already started walking ahead of them, so Kyle was forced to keep his pace with Cartman.

He should just drop the topic of Heidi entirely, but Kyle couldn’t help himself—it’d been years, after all. And it was obvious that the encounter back there had had _some_ effect on him, and that was a surprise in and of itself; most things didn’t seem to genuinely sway Cartman.

“How do you feel about Heidi now anyways? I don’t think I’ve really seen you two talk that much.”

“Oh, her? Eh. That bitch is old news,” was Cartman’s flippant response. He was back to his usual self, that was for certain. Either that, or he was feigning indifference.

Although, there _was_ something eerie about the smile that Kyle was receiving.

“Okay, wow. You could have just as easily answered that without being a dick, you know,” Kyle stated.

Cartman shrugged, side-eying him. “What’s it to you anyways? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Nothing—it’s nothing.” They were at his locker, which Kyle used as a likelier excuse than any to change the subject.

“I wonder what the new girl’s name is, anyways…” he mused once he had all of his stuff.

“Kelsey,” sighed a familiar voice, which prompted Clyde to step up, smiling dreamily. “Her name is Kelsey. Kelsey Browning. Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue so nicely?”

Kyle bit back a comment, except it slipped out anyways. “I guess so. But then again, it doesn’t take much besides a nice rack to impress you.” Was he judging? Possibly. Or maybe he just didn’t understand the reasoning behind falling head-over-heels solely for someone’s tits.

Cartman snorted so hard that he busted out laughing anyways. “Woah woooah, _Kyle,_ ” Cartman gasped, clutching his side. “What’s got your panties in a twist all of a sudden?”

“Right you are, Kyle. Right you are,” Clyde beamed. “Although, this one’s got a cute laugh too, which makes her even better!”

Kyle glanced discreetly at Cartman to gauge his reaction, but found that the other male must’ve had the same idea. They both looked away.

“Ah, look! Here she comes now!”

Right on cue as Kyle shut his locker, that girl—Kelsey—and her new posse started towards them down the hallway. She seemed to note that they were watching her and waved, then walked towards where her locker must be.

Kenny and Stan must’ve gone to homeroom already, leaving just the two of them...plus Clyde. Cartman raised an eyebrow, turned, and began in the same direction.

Kyle’s eyes widened. “Wait—“ Cartman halted midday to shoot him a quizzical stare. “Where are you going?”

“...To my locker? Jesus, Kyle. You’re off your rocker today.”

Embarrassed, Kyle gritted his teeth and swallowed a retort that threatened to come out. Goddammit, that was right. Cartman’s locker _was_ on the opposite wall—almost directly by Kelsey’s, too, as fate may have it.

“Well, _yeah._ I knew that.” Slamming his locker shut, Kyle hugged his books to his chest and started backing the other way as Cartman searched his face. His own behavior was puzzling him, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. “Anyways, I’ll catch up with you later. I’ve gotta get to homeroom.”

An eyebrow shot up again. “Uh huh… Alright.” Then he returned to what he was doing and approached his locker.

“Ha ha. He sure told you,” Clyde, who had apparently witnessed the whole thing, snickered.

“Shut up, Clyde.”

They split ways, only Kyle couldn’t resist a peek over his shoulder just for the hell of it. 

~~

“So what do you guys think of her?” Kyle asked, after they’d been let out for the day.

“Of who?” Stan replied, not really paying attention.

“Kelsey. Or...does anyone have classes with her?”

“I think Kenny does. Right Kenny?” Kenny nodded vigorously. “And Cartman too, I think.”

Kyle pursed his lips. “Oh really? What do you have with her?”

“Cooking class,” was Cartman’s somewhat smug response. Why he was so smug about it—that was the question.

“You’re taking a cooking class?” Stan sounded dubious.

“He’s a foodie. What do you expect?” Kenny grinned. “Speaking of which, you guys should see him cook sometime. He’s pretty good. ‘Cooked me a mean batch of Mac and Cheese this one time when we were hanging out.”

“I’d be careful if I were you,” Kyle began, taking the bait even though he _was_ a little impressed. “Who knows what kind of weird, added ingredients Cartman puts in his food.”

This was much to Cartman’s immediate chagrin. “Hey!” he snapped with a rough nudge to Kyle’s shoulder. Granted, they were pretty close in height, which made it quite easy for them to bump shoulders. “Mind you—at least I _can_ cook. I mean, let’s not forget that time you nearly burned down the house after you tried making some—”

“Okay, _okay_ ,” Kyle grumbled. “I get it.”

“So do you guys wanna like, make a trip to Tweek Bros? I’ve gotta study for that Physics test so my parents can’t bitch at me for slacking off.”

“Aw gross!” Cartman protested. “You’re gonna make me study? You wouldn’t _really_ do that to your good friend, would you Stan?”

Before Stan could reply, Kyle leaned forward and jabbed a finger in the other male’s chest. “Aha! So you _haven’t_ been paying attention in class at all! I was right!”

“Goddammit, Kyle, yes I have! Fine, whatever. We can go to the stupid coffeehouse, I guess.”

“Sweet,” Stan said.

With their bags slung over each of their shoulders, they backtracked up the street from where the bus had dropped them off and turned the corner until the familiar facade came into view. “Do you think Tweek is working right now?” Kyle asked, nodding his head towards the building. Because that would really suck if he did. Kyle couldn’t even imagine trying to get behind a counter right after a taxing day at school.

“No idea,” Kenny said. “I don’t think he’s ridden the same bus as us since middle school. Poor guy. I hope he isn’t getting worked to death.”

Cartman abstently picked at his nails, most likely tuned out of their conversation. “Mm, yeah...I could really go for some jelly donuts, though.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “How considerate of you.”

“I know right?”

God, Kyle just wanted to punch him.

Once they’d made it inside, Kyle removed his jacket, found an empty table, and hung it over his chair before setting his stuff down. Kyle was expecting Cartman to waltz right up to the counter to place an order, but instead he followed Kyle to the table and claimed a spot at the opposite seat before the others had even joined them yet.

The store was relatively empty. A peaceful ambience emanated from the place, since they had somehow managed to beat the rush. There were a few regulars, old people mainly, who shared the space with them, but other than that…

“Well hello there, boys,” Mr. Tweak greeted as they walked through the doors. Even from his seat at the table, Kyle could make out a few more gray hairs that had grown in since the last time he’d seen Mr. Tweak—if he squinted hard enough. “What can I get for you today?”

Stan twisted around to face the group. “Uh, do you guys want anything?”

“One Peppermint Hot Chocolate with extra whipped cream, my good sir,” Cartman blurted automatically. “Oh, and extra of those little crumbly peppermint things.” This earned him an eye-roll from each of his companions, but Mr. Tweak smiled courteously anyways before attending to Cartman’s order.

“What happened to jelly donuts?” Kyle snorted, at a low volume so that he wouldn’t cause a disruption.

Cartman looked at him and shrugged. “Changed my mind. You’ve gotta change things up every once in awhile, you know?” He continued to hold Kyle’s gaze as he took off his own coat and swiftly draped it over the back of his chair. Stan and Kenny on the other hand still lingered by the counter, pointing at the pastries in the display case and whispering eagerly.

Feeling his hands begin to sweat, Kyle quickly wiped them on his jeans and rummaged through his backpack, which was practically bulging with various binders and paper from all of his meticulous note-taking.

When he had the materials he needed in hand, Kyle heaved them onto his side of the circular table and began flipping through weeks worth of notes until he found what he was looking for.

He scanned the page, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. Wait a second…

“Hey, Stan?” Kyle called.

Yeah, dude?”

Kyle held his notebook up and indicated a gap in his notes with a finger. “I think I’m missing something from Friday. You know, when I was out with the flu?”

Stan sheepishly rubbed his neck, as if he already had an answer at the ready without so much as a glance at the paper. “Uhhh, yeahh...I wouldn’t rely on my notes if I were you. That’s part of the reason I wanted to come here in the first place, actually. Ms. B’s class is just so dull that I can barely stay awake half the time. I was kind of hoping I could get the notes from you.”

“I don’t blame you,” Kenny offered. “Her Powerpoints could put anyone to sleep. It’s just too bad we weren’t all placed in the same class.”

All at once, Kyle was hit with a waft of peppermint as Mr. Tweak brought it over to their table for Cartman. It made him almost regret not buying a hot chocolate himself.

“Here you go, young man.” Then a nod. “Kyle.” Cartman’s face lit up with joy as he brought the mug up to take a sip. Mr. Tweak walked away.

“Dude.” Kyle’s attention shifted into one of horrified awe. His hands twitched on the table, but he still didn’t make a move to stop the action. “You’re gonna burn yourself, dumbass.”

Cartman lowered the mug, a slight smile beginning to manifest itself. “Why? Are you _worried_ about me, Kyle?”

Kyle winced as goosebumps began to erupt on his skin. “Oh second thought, I hope you chug that whole thing down and choke right now.”

His smile widened. Without batting an eyelash, Cartman sipped the beverage and slammed it down with a satisfied hum. Kyle followed the movement with his eyes. “Mm, that sure was tasty,” Cartman drawled, dragging each word out. “I can see it in your face. You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

Kyle tightened his grip on his notebook and pretended like he was too immersed in studying to be paying attention.

Cartman slid the drink closer. “No but seriously, you should try it.”

Huh? “Ah, no thanks.”

Stan and Kenny suddenly plopped down at the two unoccupied seats. “Okay, we’re back,” Stan announced. “Hey, did you guys know they’re all out of those macaroons now? I guess they just haven’t been selling.”

“Aw man, seriously?” Kyle frowned, ignoring Cartman’s attempts to wave a hand in front of his face. “That’s disappointing.”

“Yeah. But for real though—can I see your notes real quick, Kyle?”

“That’s fine, but I’d still like to know what I missed on Friday...Do you think Token might have the notes?”

“I have them,” Cartman said, matter-of-factly, staring straight ahead.

“What? No way. You don’t take notes.”

“Yes I do.” His right hand disappeared under the table, and a moment later, he pulled out an honest-to-god notebook and set it down.

Still disbelieving, Kyle reached out when he thought it was for the taking. Cartman swatted his hand away.

“Ah ah.” He gestured downwards. “C’mooon…”

“Oh for god’s sake.” A bout of stubbornness struck, which ultimately led to Kyle lifting Cartman’s mug to his lips and swallowing a mouthful of scalding hot chocolate. As soon as the liquid touched his tongue, however, he was unable to stop the slew of expletives that escaped. His friends, from their various spots, were all staring at him with their jaws hanging towards the floor—except for Cartman, who was grinning from ear to ear.

“HA! That was _awesome_!”

Kyle ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth, scowling at the tingling sensation. “Great. Now I’m not going to be able to taste a thing for the next five days…” While the other male was distracted, Kyle grabbed his notebook and slugged Cartman on the head with it. “Thanks a lot, asshole.”

“To be fair, he never told you to gulp it down like that,” Stan remarked unhelpfully. Kyle shot him a glare, which must have surely been offset by the pink hue that Kyle was certain colored his face.

“I don’t care. I’m still calling it his fault.” His tongue began to throb again. “But I’ll admit...it was pretty good other than that.”

Cartman’s smirk returned all the same as  he kept rubbing at the spot where the notebook had struck him.

“I know right??”

“Okay, you’ve convinced me. I _need_ to try some of this.” Kenny eagerly thrust out his hand, but Cartman pulled the mug out of reach, shielding it with his palms.

“Woahhh there. I said _paws off,_ buster. This isn’t a taste-testing.”

“What? Awww. You never said that,” Kenny sulked, leaning back again. “But—but you let Kyle try some.”

“Yeah,” Kyle said. “And I burnt my tongue, remember?” Kenny shrugged and nodded his head, seemingly ready to drop the subject.

Silence fell on the group. Kyle seized the opportunity to revisit their earlier conversation. “Well anyways, can I see your notebook now, Cartman?” A question that Kyle thought he’d never have to ask. “I’ve gotta see this for myself.”

“You mean the one you beat me over the head with?” Cartman snorted. “Sure. Knock yourself out.”

Kyle waved him off. “Cool, thanks.”

“No, I mean it. Knock yourself out with it. I won’t stop you.”

He fiercely ripped the notebook opened. “Fuck off.” Then, he began examining its pages.

Oh. Wow.

So Cartman actually hadn’t lying that time. Well—not completely at least. Some of the notes were disjointed and hastily scrawled both in between and over the lines, sure— _but_ , they _were_ still legible. A few doodles here and there crammed in the margins…nothing much of interest, seeing as how Kyle was already well aware of Cartman’s weird interests and twisted humor.

Kyle eventually got to the page that matched up with his own and copied down the notes that he needed.

After he was done, Kyle curiously flipped ahead to the most recent date to compare those notes as well.

But wait.

What was…?

There, clear as day in the bottom-right corner, was a small heart, and inside of it…

**EC + KB**

Kyle felt a lump form in his throat, which expanded the longer he stared at the initials, and the heart that encircled them.

Then it clicked.

Kyle swallowed thickly. “Hey, uh, these are your notes from _today,_ right?”

Cartman, who had his nose buried in his phone as he drank more of his hot chocolate, looked up in mild interest.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Why are you looking at those anyw—“ His eyes journeyed down the paper to where Kyle had been gawking before. Something was muttered under his breath just then, and before Kyle could even register what had happened, the evidence was snatched away in the blink of an eye.

“A-alright. That’s enough snooping for you.” Seeing Cartman’s jaw clench in no way reduced the apprehension that was already budding in Kyle’s stomach.

“Woah,” Stan said, momentarily putting his conversation with Kenny on hold to glance between the two. “What just happened?”

But Kyle stood his ground—kept his gaze focused solely on Cartman. “You like her, don’t you?”

Cartman’s expression wavered behind unreadable eyes. “I—‘her?’”

“Oh, no. Playing dumb is _not_ going to work with me this time. She looks like Heidi. You said so yourself, did you not?”

“Are you guys talking about Kelsey Browning?” Stan turned to Cartman. “You have a crush on the new girl?”

Cartman, who had initially fumbled over his words, seemed to have found a rhythm to stick to. “So what if I do? Kenny gets a new crush every week, and I don’t see you getting on _his_ case.”

Kenny answered to that with a solemn nod. “Guilty.”

“That—“ He had a point. Cartman wasn’t the only one grasping for straws, it seemed. But it wasn’t like Kyle could provide an explanation for something that he didn’t quite understand himself. “I just don’t want this to become another Heidi thing. You caused that girl enough pain in the past, and I’m _not_ going to let you break someone else just for kicks.”

“O ye of so little faith,” Cartman tsked, who amazingly had calmed down in such a short span of time since Kyle had found him out. “Is that _all_ that this is about?”

Kyle faltered a bit in his own composure. What the hell? Now _he_ was the one being interrogated?

“What do you mean? Of course I’d be worried about that!”

Cartman’s eyes, a dark, earthy brown, pierced through his own—searching, disassembling... “Mm, m’okay. I’d still like to see you try and stop me though. Because, if I recall, _you_ aren’t the boss of me.”  

Kyle challenged that bratty attitude with a purposeful glare, but said nothing.

Cartman downed the rest of his drink, wiped the whipped cream from his lips, and started collecting his stuff. “Well, gentleman, shall we get going now?”

“But we didn’t even get to the studying part yet!” Stan whined. “You guys just _had_ to go and bicker for a half hour straight, didn’t you?”

“And this surprises you?” Kenny snorted.

“No, but sometimes one has to keep their hopes up,” was Stan’s wistful reply, before shoving everything back into his backpack. “So are we going?”

“Not until Cartman pays for his drink, we aren’t.” Kyle kept his voice flat and steady as he mirrored his friends’ actions, then stood up from the table. It was about half past 3:00 since he had last checked the time on his phone, and the coffeehouse had a few more occupants this time: students like themselves, mostly.  And with that came more noise, so sticking around probably wouldn't have been a very good call anyways.

“Heh, yeah...about that.”

“And don't even think about pretending that you don’t have any cash on you. I _saw_ you take out your wallet, dipshit.”

“Okay, okay. I was only kidding. _God._ ” As Cartman dug his wallet out of his pocket and approached the counter, the bell dinged softly. Kyle’s watched the figure creep timidly inside.

“Hey Tweek! So you _did_ have to come in today.”

Tweek flinched at the sound of his name and jerked his head towards the source, relaxing once he realized it was just Kyle.

“Oh hey guys! Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” His voice was rough and scratchy—from either irritation or sickness, most likely. Kyle frowned when Mr. Tweak signaled for his son to come over once he finished with Cartman’s transaction.

“Man,” Kyle mused once they had regrouped. “I feel so bad for him sometimes.”

“I know right?” Stan said. “You know, I’m kind of glad my parents haven’t made me get a job yet. I think I’d rather stay home and binge-watch season eight of Friends. Anyways, we oughta go now before the rush comes.”

On their way to the door, Cartman shouldered into Kyle. “Sorry ‘bout your tongue.” And then he winked, as if he’d decided not to be bothered by Kyle’s invasion of his privacy anymore.

Kyle made a fist and sought out the bump on Cartman’s scalp to press down on. “Sorry about your head.”

~~

Back at school the next day, Kyle could hardly concentrate on his work. It seemed his mind was already too preoccupied with thoughts of a certain doodle that he’d stumbled upon the other day.

More often than not, Kyle found himself looking out for interactions between Cartman the Kelsey. It wasn’t something he could easily keep track of, though—he shared one class with Cartman, excluding lunch, and none with Kelsey.

She seemed like a nice enough girl from what he _had_ observed, which did make sense when it came down to _why_ he wanted to keep them apart.

Except...he wasn’t…. _really_ all that confident in that hypothesis.

Not to mention, it was pretty obvious that Cartman was cognizant of Kyle’s disapproval of his and Kelsey’s...relationship, whatever that may turn out to be. But did that sway him at all? Clearly _not._

Which is why Kyle hovered over him like a helicopter parent—because he was _concerned_ , for a girl’s sanity.

“Uhh, are you contemplating the universe over there or what?”

Kyle blinked once, then twice. Time seemed no longer flowing, and his body, unmoving.

A set of fingers snapped in front of his face. “Helloo? Earth to Kyle?” He readied his fingers for another snap, but Kyle quickly pushed them away.

“Will you _quit that?_ And I was getting so close to ignoring you, too…” So it wasn’t the _best_ excuse he could have come up with, but it did the job the same.

Cartman feigned hurt. “Ignoring _me?_ But that’s unheard of!”

“Believe me,” Kyle sighed. “I know.”

 _Oh god._ That sounded way more affectionate than he had intended. But—it had just slipped out that way, was all!

Uncertainty shrouded the other male’s features. Could something be stewing inside of Cartman as well? Maybe he was having second thoughts about making a move on the new girl.

As if on cue, said ‘new girl’ came into view as they rounded the corner. Cartman looked like he was ready to say something, so Kyle intervened by grabbing him by the wrist and shoving him against the lockers.

His voice dropped several decibels, replaced with a hiss. “I’m warning you, Cartman. If you try anything, I _swear_ I will make you regret it.”

Seeing Cartman lick his lips only made Kyle grow more aware of the numbness that continued to plague his ownmouth. Still pinned, Cartman flashed a boyish grin. “Cute, Kyle. That was a real cute threat you just pulled. Can’t you see me shaking and wriggling in fear?”

Before an inopportune blush could make its way onto his face, Kyle drew back his fist and aimed a shot—not that he was actually going to go through with it. But still, bluff or no bluff, witnessing Cartman’s eyes grow twice their size was rewarding enough.

With a nervous laugh, Cartman enveloped the curled-up hand with his own and lowered it. “C-come now. There’s no need for unnecessary violence.”

Kyle nearly let his guard down at the sudden warmth. Hand slackening, he pulled away as if for fear that Cartman’s touch would burn him.

And there they were—momentarily trapped in a daze where neither could look away from the other.

Cartman was the first to snap out of it. Something or someone had shifted his attention. He shoved Kyle off and cupped his hands over his mouth.

 _“Hey!”_ Wincing, Kyle grabbed the ear that was throbbing and looked to where Cartman was hollering. Or rather, to _whom._

Which is how Kyle learned that his warning had, well...fallen on deaf ears.

“Hey! Kelsey!” he called again, jogging up to meet her as Kyle screwed up his face in annoyance. Even at a distance, Cartman’s voice carried throughout the halls. “Why, you’re just the gal pal I wanted to see. So you know how I told you there was this thing I wanted to ask you later? Well, I was thinking we could talk some more about it later. Maybe I could stop by and—“

“What’s going on here?” Kyle demanded, having finally caught up to them, albeit his still ear hadn’t stopped ringing. Kelsey’s eyes, finding his narrowed ones, softened in a matter of seconds.

Cartman took a long stride towards him. “Go away, Kyle.” These are personal matters. Nothing for your ears to hear.”

Skeptical, Kyle‘s hands found his hips. “So, if they weren’t for my ears to hear, then how come my ears can hear you from across the hallway? And what ‘personal matters’ could you possibly have that you haven’t already blabbed to one of us about?”

Cartman didn’t miss a beat. “Ones that aren’t any of your concern, duh. And don’t you have like, a class to get to or something, _nerd_? Now shoo,” he dismissed with a swift wave of his hand.

“Sorry, Kyle…” Kelsey whispered, handing her books to Cartman after his insistence prompted her to.

“Goddammit, fine,” Kyle growled, turning on his heels and stomping off.

So what if Cartman had a crush on someone who looked like Heidi? So what if he had a type, which took the form of a brown haired, green eyed girl?

Cartman would do anything just to spite him, after all. So why _in the hell_ did he care so much?

These very thoughts persisted in Kyle’s head throughout the day, even when he was supposed to be concentrating on his class work.

As the teacher droned on about the lesson, Kyle, who was usually accustomed to robotically copying down what was on the board, couldn’t seem to stop his eyes from wandering off-course.

There were also several teeth marks on his BIC pen cap—one of Kyle’s old habits that had apparently resurfaced in light of certain circumstances.

Sighing, Kyle cradled his chin in his palm and absently doodled on his notebook to pass the time, drowning out the noises around him.

Physics was next.

Although they were _supposed_ to be taking a test that period, instead the class was sent to the library to study since their usual teacher was absent.

Once the appropriate notebook and binder combo was out of his backpack, Kyle began jotting down notes for later studying purposes.

He almost didn’t notice that Stan had sat down in opposite seat.

~~

“Um, Kyle, you alright dude?”

Snapping to attention, Kyle looked up just in time to watch Stan’s expression morph from concerned to relieved. “Huh?”

“You—you’ve been staring down at your hands for like five minutes now. Is something the matter? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

 _Dammit._ He must have zoned out again.

“I—“ Kyle shook his head, noticed something out of the corner of his eye and immediately shot up from his seat, temper flaring. “I just have something I need to do first. Be right back.”

Since the library had been almost dead silent before, any abrupt movements were bound to attract attention. But when Kyle needlessly scraped his chair against the floor while pushing it in, only a few gazes flickered his way. It wasn’t exactly news that most people tended to try to stay out of Kyle’s way when he was in one of his states.

Of course Cartman wasn’t going to listen to him, of _course_ he wasn’t. And now Kyle was going to have to go over there and make sure Cartman hadn’t actually tried to ask her—

“Hey, Kyle was it?”

Stunned, Kyle whipped around right as he came face-to-face with….oh.

Kelsey?

He blinked. But —she was just over there a second ago. Over with Cartman. “Uh, yeah? What’s up?”

Smiling, she motioned towards the nearest table. “Would you mind sitting down with me for a sec? I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay…” Kyle replied suspiciously, lowering himself into a chair. A quick glance over his shoulder showed that Stan was staring at the both of them from across the room. Kyle wondered if he was as confused as Kyle felt.

“Sooo, what’s this about, anyways?”

Kelsey inclined her head, silently shushing him. “You were watching us again.”

“Watching…’us?’”

“You know...me and Eric.”

“Cartman?”

“Oh, right. I forgot you only call him by his last name. Your relationship is really puzzling, do you know that? Wendy agrees with me too. So do the other girls. But hey, I like to think I’m pretty open-minded, so I won’t judge.”

Kyle didn’t know what to say. What was she trying to get at, anyways?

“I won’t get in the way, you know. You two seem to have a lot of chemistry together, and I hope you don’t see it as me interfering just because I let him carry my books sometime…”

 _Chemistry?_ “W-wait. Hold on a minute.” He gesticulated frantically, face growing hot at the simple utterance. “What are you _talking_ about?”

“I mean it! I can help you!”

Kyle rocked forward in his chair and shook his head until the motion made him dizzy. “Wait, no— _no_. He likes _you,_ Kelsey. Do you wanna know what I found in his notebook the other day? Here, I’ll show you.”

Kyle almost nicked his finger on the piece of notebook paper that he had torn out to draw on—or rather, to draw the heart that had been seared into his memory for nearly 24 hours now.

Once finished, he slid it in front of her.

Kelsey inspected the drawing for a long time, and then to his surprise, looked at Kyle and smiled sympathetically. “Say, what’s your last name again? Broflovski, was it?”

Kyle crumpled up the paper and shoved it in his bag. “Yeah…? But I don’t see what that has to do with—”

No.

No...it couldn’t be that. There was no way.

How could he be sure though? How could he be sure she wasn’t just misinterpreting the signs between them?

Kyle’s heart raced a mile an hour in his chest. It felt like he was growing more hysterical by the minute, because _how the hell_ could that be possible?  

“Speak of the devil,” Kelsey joked as her eyes found a new focal point above Kyle’s head. He didn’t want to turn around—didn’t know if he was ready. But then a hand clasped tightly onto his shoulder, trapping him in place. “Hi Eric!”

“Oooo, what are you two gossiping all hush hush about over here?” Kyle tensed at the contact. “I didn’t realize you were so well-acquainted now.”

“Oh nothing~” With a voice that was a tad bit too sing-songy to be convincing, Kelsey fluttered her eyelashes at no one in particular, while her table partner had to try his hardest not to groan.

“What she said,” Kyle grunted, trying to shrug him off. “Anyways, I’d better get back to Stan, so I guess I’ll catch you guys later.”

“Ugh, fine, be that way,” Cartman scoffed, letting go with the slightest of squeezes. Unable to look him in the eyes, Kyle nodded towards where Cartman was standing rather than at him, then retreated back to the table with Stan.

“Stan _,”_  whispered Kyle in a panic, tugging on his best friend’s arm. “Let’s go somewhere else for the period.”

“Wait what? Why? Did something happen with Kelsey? _Did she ask you out?_ Oh my god. She asked you out didn’t she!”

“ _Shhh._ Keep your voice down! And no, she didn’t.”

“Then what—“

“ _Stan,”_ he implored. “ _Later._ Let’s go, _now._ ”

The remaining school day, even though lunch had already passed, seemed never-ending. Not only had Kyle been probed with questions by Stan, but also by Kenny, who must’ve noticed something was off about his friend as well.

But _still._ What if Cartman had been steering him in the wrong direction all along? What was he supposed to do with these newfound questions he had, anyways?

Incidentally, on the way to his next class, Kyle bumped into Heidi. A flurry of apologies was exchanged between them, and both could have gone their separate ways right then and there. Yet somehow it seemed like a better opportunity than any to pull her to the side so they could have a chat.  

So he turned around and called her back over.

“Heidi! I need your input on something.”

The brunet perked at the sound of a voice and backtracked to where Kyle stood, a questioning look plastered on her face.

Kyle swallowed. “How did you know that Cartman was into you? I mean, did he _act_ any differently towards you leading up to you two’ getting together?”

Heidi, momentarily stunned, took several seconds to recover from her stupor. “Kyle? Why are you asking me about Eric all of a sudden?”

“Just...answer the question.” Her eyebrow rose at the male’s impatience. “Please, Heidi,” Kyle continued. “It’s important.”

“Well…” Heidi said. “to be completely honest with you, we kind of rushed into it.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I _mean_ is that I often doubted whether he even liked me in the first place.”

Her uncertainty struck a chord in him, but she elaborated anyways.

“Actually, he um—“ she pressed her index fingers together nervously. “kind of talked about _you_ a lot, Kyle.”

“He...he talked about... _huh?”_ Kyle, was beside himself with disbelief, confusion, and...and…

Heidi cleared her throat, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation. “Yeahh… you two might have some things to clear up. Though, I’d better be getting to class now. Sorry, Kyle. Talk to you later. Bye!”

Heidi raced down the hallway, leaving Kyle to gape after she who didn’t answer _nearly_ as many of the onslaught of questions that Kyle had prepared as he thought she would.

Oh well. He still had gotten _something_ out of it, nonetheless.

Point was, his theory was strengthening by the minute, and thus was his determination to learn more. 

This, this feeling that was blooming in his chest and spreading throughout—he couldn’t just ignore it.

Which is how Kyle arrived at the decision to sneak into Cartman’s room that night. He excused himself from dinner under the pretense that he was going to have a late-night studying session with Stan. Mom seemed to buy it, although her disapproval was more towards her son’s “abnormal procrastination” than anything.

Once he had clambered up to the window, Kyle peered in and found Cartman lying on his bed, fingers dangling over his phone screen. Without even glancing around first, Cartman’s eyes snapped towards the window.

Now frozen in place, Kyle could only stare as Cartman lifted one of his hands and then—

Beckoned him inside. Just like that.

He didn’t even get ratted out right away, either. Hesitantly, Kyle pried the window open and climbed inside.

Then, quietly, he turned around and shut it.

Cartman flopped back onto his stomach. “Hey, Kyle. Nice of you to drop by. What’s up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Kyle admitted, wavering in place. “What are _you_ doing?”

“Oh, just texting you-know-who.”

Kyle’s eyes narrowed into slits. “No you aren’t.”

“Uh, yes _,_ I am. See?” He pointed tauntingly to the contact name. “K-e-l-s-e-y.”

“Okay, just...answer me this,” Kyle challenged, stepping boldly forward. “Kelsey Browning, as in the only other person we know whose initials share mine. Is she KB? It isn’t _actually_ her, right? _Right?_ ”

“Whatever do you mean?”

Another step. “ _Tell me!”_

Cartman didn’t answer him for a long. Now sitting fully erect on the bed, his eyes bore into Kyle’s, phone slipping out of his palms.

And then finally…

He shrugged. Just— _shrugged._

“You’re kidding me,” Kyle deadpanned, heavily disappointed, but not surprised. “You only just met her, and you’re already fucking with me. You’re fucking with me, and I don’t even know _how_ you’re fucking with me. Actually, scratch that. See, the thing is that I—“

“My _god_ this is giving me a headache.” Kyle clamped his mouth shut in surprise at the interruption. “Well go on, say it.”

“Say what?”

Cartman snickered. “Oh Kyle. You aren’t always the brightest bulb, are you? Try as you may…” He averted his attention back to his phone, as if he had forgotten that Kyle was even there.

Kyle lunged for it, nearly smothering Cartman’s face in the process once he had landed on the bed. “Gimme that!”

“Ack—Kyle!” Cartman grunted, latching onto the other male’s wrists and holding them away from his person as Kyle flailed aimlessly. Their knees and elbows both bumped together several times during the scuffle. “Ky—“

_“Let go of me!”_

And then they were kissing. Kissing fiercely. The deafening thumps oppressing his ears grew louder, but Kyle, in his delirium, hardly noticed. One set of arms locked firmly around Cartman’s neck; the other embraced Kyle’s waist.

Cartman trailed his fingers lower, pressing their hips flush together. Just then, something flat and rectangular jabbed the fleshy part of Kyle’s thigh as he scooted closer. His eye flew open.

Cartman, who continued nuzzling him even when Kyle stopped kissing him back, was slower to follow suit.

“Dude, Cartman,” Kyle gasped, gently pushing on the broad shoulders. “I can’t think with you literally breathing down my neck.”

Cartman, from the shelter of Kyle’s collarbone, huffed. “And your point is…?”

“Tell me who KB is,” he whispered. “Tell me I was right.”

“Uuuggghhh.” Cartman’s mouth left his neck, and the warmth of his lips left with it. “Does _everything_ have to be about stroking your ego? Is that it?”

“Like you’re one to talk. Everything you do has to be made into a production. You _breathe_ melodrama. But to answer your question, yes. It does have to be.”

Unable to suppress a groan, Cartman slid to the floor. At first, Kyle wasn’t sure _what_ he was looking for—only that it was somewhere inside his backpack, which he crossed the room to dig through. Cartman returned to the bed and deposited a notebook onto Kyle’s lap. Kyle simply stared at the object, as if he had just been asked to decipher a hidden code. “Uh, why did you…?”

“Just—“ he sounded agitated. “Flip to the page again. You know which one I’m talking about.”

Kyle did as he said.

“Okay, now flip to the _next_ page.”

“The next page? But your notes end here, right? I didn’t think I missed more of the lesson, unless—oh. Ohhh…”

There, covering the page, was a bunch of doodles of _him._

And hearts. Lots of hearts.

The bed lurched next to him. From this proximity,  it might have very well been possible to feel the heat radiating off of the other male’s beet-red face.

“Wow. Cartman, this—“

“Kyle. What do you think the ‘E’ stands for? It’s Kyle Broflovski plus _Eric_ Cartman, not _Cartman_ Cartman. You could at least give it an effort now and then…” Although his words were bitter, his eyes held a vulnerability to them that nullified _all_ of that bitterness. He _wanted_ Kyle to accept it.

Kyle dropped the notebook and flung himself at Cartman, crushing their lips together.

After the shock subsided, Cartman let the both of them tumble—Kyle forwards and Cartman backwards—onto the pillow.  

Cartman moaned against his mouth between feverish kisses, fingers weaving through Kyle’s loose curls. There was still the problem of Cartman’s notebook crinkling every time his hand brushed up against it, so Kyle pushed it off the bed. With all unneeded distractions out of the way, Kyle went back to straddling the other male’s lap.

Their make out session continued for several minutes, only it had grown a lot lazier with the boys’ growing weariness. Somewhere amidst his haze, Kyle felt teeth bearing down on his tongue, which was still sensitive from the burn. Out of pure instinct, he yanked on Cartman’s hair, and the both of them exclaimed in pain at the same time.

“Jesus, Kyle!”

Still wincing, Kyle glared at him. “Hey, you started it! That hurt, you know.”

Cartman grinned and flicked his forehead. “Don’t be such a baby.” A pause, then— ”Just this once, will you call me by my first name?”

Kyle pondered this. “If you tell me I was right.”

Cartman’s reply was almost too late for it to hit the mark. _Almost._

“...You were right.”

“That’s hot.”

Cartman punched his arm.

“That’s hot, Eric?”

The grin was back again. “Better.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Merry Christmas to Briwookie on Tumblr from your Secret Santa! I hope you enjoyed this little experimental piece of mine. It was pretty damn fun to write, I must say, albeit a little more "whimsical" than I am used to. The editing isn't perfect, as I did kind of rush to get it done over the break once I had more time to spare, but hopefully this satisfied your kyman needs anyways.
> 
> And Merry Christmas once again!


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